OU Health Experts Help Families Prepare For Mother’s Day When Mom Has Dementia

Doctors at OU Health have advice for those whose moms might not recognize them this weekend because she suffers from dementia.  

Mother’s Day for many people means flowers and quality time spent together with people they love. However, OU Health Chief of Psychiatry Dr. Britta Ostermeyer understands celebrating this day with a mother with dementia or Alzheimer's is not easy.  

“It is a challenge,” Ostermeyer said. “One has to salute these families. It’s very hard.”  

Ostermeyer said it’s important for families to prepare realistic activities with their mothers. 

“We need to be mindful we’re not forcing the loved one into doing something the loved one cannot do anymore,” Ostermeyer said. 

David McCollum connects people to these stories.  

“It’s my privilege to serve as the media relations manager here at OU Health,” McCollum said. 

This time McCollum has a story of his own.  

“Life isn’t fair sometimes,” McCollum said. 

McCollum’s mom suffered from dementia, so he understands this pain.  

“She wasn’t the person I’d grown up with,” McCollum said. “It rips at you. Like I say -- it’s indescribable.”  

Seven years have passed since her death.

“As awful as it was to see her go, it was in some senses a relief because she was finally at peace,” McCollum said. 

McCollum said he knows their presence can hurt.  

“It’s not personal,” McCollum said. “It’s out of their control.”  

McCollum offered the best advice he could: “Patience.”  

McCollum reflects on the good times often and remembers -- love is kind and love is patient.  

“You have to keep going and you gotta keep smiling,” McCollum said.