Articles of Bandwagonness


Tuesday, June 3rd 2008, 9:38 am
By: News 9


This has been a major discussion on my radio show for the past couple of years. And it has never been a bigger problem than right now. Suddenly, Lakers and Celtics die hards are coming out of the wood work. You know them better as "bandwaggon fans."

But you can't call someone a bandwaggon fan without causing them to hyperventilate, so my radio producer, T.J. Perry, and I came up with the following "Rules of Bandwaggonness." We believe these to be the bandwaggon equivalent to the "Declaration of Independence" or the "Magna Carta." No doubt children will study these in text books for years to come.


Article I

If a person is of junior high age or younger he/she can cheer for any team for any reason.

Article II

If said person sticks with said team for a period of 10 years, regardless of reason for original fandom, they shall be considered a full rights fan without repercussion.

Article III

If person of any age is a fan of a team for less than 10 years then switches allegiance to another team strictly for the reason of rooting for a winner, said person shall be regarded as a bandwagon fan.

Article IV

If person of high school age or older starts cheering for a team strictly for the reason of rooting for a winner, said person shall be regarded as a bandwagon fan.

Article V

If said fan at any point in his/her life finds that he/she was led to original fandom under false pretense, he/she is released from original fandom and is allowed to pursue a new team.     
      
Subclause A - If new team is reigning SuperBowl, World Series or NBA Champion said person shall be considered a bandwagon fan, unless said fan is of junior high age or younger.

Article VI (The OKC Article)

If a team relocates or expands to within 100 miles of your primary residence, said fan may immediately become full rights fan of said franchise.      

Subclause A - Within three years of team's relocation, said fan must choose full allegiance to one of his/her teams and denounce allegiance to other team.