Was Masters ’09 Remarkable or Full of Choke Jobs?

Being the card-carrying member of the Tiger Woods for president please, I must admit that when he pulled to within two and had caught up with Phil Mickelson-your greatest twelve-hole magician in an 18-hole round, I was giddy. But Tiger unfathomably went south after his birdie on the Verne Lundquist hole. Lefty spit the bit at golf's 2/3rd's pole and sent up the white flag.

Philly Mickelson lost his chili' when he no-brained plunked his 9-iron in the aqua on 12. From then on it was one bad decision or bad shot after another until he holed out on 18 (for a bogey, what else?) and waddled off to chit chat with the press with dimples aplenty on 18. As an aside, you can bust me if Mickelson wasn't as proud as a Georgia peach to have edged Eldrick by one.

Tiger was angry enough to swallow nails. He was considering the Ol' Harry Caray while the be-dimpled Mickelson grinned for the TV lenses and seemed anxious to go find a Happy Hour with the Sig Alph's and have some pops telling them how he handled Tiger on Sunday at the Masters. .

Anyway, Mickelson wasn't the only one to spit the bit down the stretch. Heck, the winner probably deserved to win simply because he kept his chow down after hitting a dreaded shank on No. 8. I started feeling sorry for the ultimate winner, Angel Cabrera. While the others were over-thinking, over-gripping, over-ripping the course (Mr. Slerge Barcia) the plucky, quick-paced Argentine was high-stepping his way over the road kill.
Forget the 2ND Annual Topeka Avis-Rent-a-Car Sweet and Low Boston Terrier Pro Am that pays $2 mill and a bevy of Fed Ex points. All of Angel's wins on the Tour-all two of them-were bigees. Majors. That's the same as Phille Mickelson and two more than Splurgio Garcia have won.

Sweet swinging Chad Campbell is kicking himself for missing his chance. Kenny Perry is still trying to figure out how he stobbed it on Verne's par-three 17th, extended his lead to two, then gouged it the rest of the way to a playoff loss. Hand it to the Kentucky Colonel. He called it like it was basically saying he choked it off with his third shot pitch on 17.

Yes, this Sunday at the Masters was a grand day where all the stand-up guys fell down. Thank goodness they didn't fall on the God-forsaken soil that Sergio Garcia ripped during an Ofer-Major post round interview. The Whiner basically called the most gorgeous track of sod in America a Goat Ranch. All I can say is Sergio had better get ready.

The razzing Monty used to get from the Ugly Americans will be nothing like what The Whiner will get his sticks to Beth Page Black this summer. The New York galleries at US Opens are a tad rowdier than the patrons over at "tricked up" Augusta. I can' wait to see it....here it. Whiners are like asterisks. They have no place in sports. "Waaaa!" Waaaaa!".