Originally Published: Nov 15, 2010 12:27 PM CDT
Blund: Good sources tell me Tommy Tubberville takes a limo to games. So does Schnelly. Ninety nine point nine percent sure. Same coaching source says there’s a reason Schnelly always smokes a pipe. Get a whiff of what I’m saying? Masking his buddy, Jim Beam. I’m taking Howie’s boys against Mack this week. Serious. The Texas story is the most shocking I’ve ever seen. ESPN’s Power rankings have them 10th in the league.
Travis: That’s enough about my Longhorns. Enough of the Short Horn jokes. We’re in a slight slump, that’s all.
Matty: That’s like saying Wisconsin played pretty well on offense Saturday. Racquel Welch was a little sexy. Steve Martin’s slightly funny. Or Cecil Samara sort of liked OU. For the record, here’s how bad it is in Austin. They got one less vote in the AP poll than Delaware. 32 less than San Diego State. 6 less than Baylor. 2 less than Tulsa and 2 less than the Force of Air. And 9 votes less than Temple. Yes, the Owls got nine more votes in the AP poll than Bill Cosby’s alma mater.
Longhorn Gerald: Hey, you OU fans. Don’t get so high and mighty. Your Sooners don’t play in Norman the rest of the year. If they lose in Waco, they’re 8-4 at the end of the season. And 8-5 if they play Alabama or LSU in the Cotton Bowl. So, pipe down.
Durwood: Time out. Ring the bell. Two-for-one. Oysters on the half-shell and Blood Mares with an extra shot of Tabasco sauce. That’s the key to my success. 8 to noon Happy Hour Mondays. As For Gerald’s bald-faced show of ignorance, we’ll win at Baylor. The momentum keeps us rolling through Stillwater. Bob beats Bo in a classic Big 12 Conference swan song. Best yet, we get the Big East Chump in the Fiesta. Bowl Game Bob over Pitt to make it 12-2. I’ll drink to that. Will you?
Bond: You know I will. See you on the back porch for some late-night grog. Now I know why you look like dog-meat on Tuesday’s. Mondays are your three-a-days. Stoops should send you a letter jacket. Least an O ring. You deserve it Dur. Bottoms up.
Coach Richardson: Let me in the huddle boys. Forget the sins of Durwood and the Tea-Sips from Austin. Let’s dig in with our Sooners. Landry stepped up in the pocket and zinged strikes over the middle didn’t he? We may need to win these next two 60-50. W’s a W. Just ask the Dems. By the way, wadn’t Ol’ Dubya just great on the talk-show circuit last week. But I kept worrying he’d fall out of his chair. Had that head tilted more than Durwood in a snooze. Darn near horizontal. Least he could say he was “wrong.” More than some coaches we know down in Hill Country. There I go, sounding just as bad as you guys. Let’s stick to breaking down the Soons.
Bobby Allen: Before you do that coach, how bout dem Cowboys! Texas is so bad that we can put a whoopin on em and not even move up in the polls. Serious. Joke! 9-1 and beat Texas and stay at a dozen in AP and 10 in the BCS. Doesn’t matter. KU’s easier than a sleepover. Then you boys come to town. Blackmon will be more open than Rashaun was that fateful day Less Mileage took you down.
Marty: Bobby, did you know Bobby’s never lost to Gundy and never lost to Baylor. Same thing this year. No offense, but the Aggie factor will kick in along the way.
Bobby Allen: that doesn’t even make us mad anymore. Want to bet a thousand? We’re favored. What does that tell you. Vegas loves you guys, Mike’s never beaten you. We won’t have a sell-out. But we’ll be favored. You’d have more luck tackling a greased pig than Kendall Hunter. He’ll be a whirling dervish leaving those pitiful linemen, overrated linebackers and young DBs grabbing nothing but Stillwater darkness (you see where the kick is 7p, all the much better, cause we’ll do our own version of the Durwood Shuffle getting juiced for Bedlam at the Boone. The only joke’s on you about that Aggie Factor. It’s 2010 baby. The only factor you’ll see is on Fox. You guys play like a bunch of Glen Becks on the road. Like Karl Roves in a four-point stance. Geraldo’s better than Landry away from Bennie Owen Field. Greta’s a better kicker than what you trot out there. ,
Manny: All right, all right. Order in the house. Pipe er down or I’ll bring Traber and Al in here. That’s a threat, not a warning.
Cur-Tie: Let me and Steely-Mahn jump in. Tell you how bad it is at our place. We’re the sane ones around here. Seppin’ Uncle. He makes James the Marvel look like a Rhodes Scholar. Anywho, OU’s getting a break. Shame that Adrian Taylor is gone again to injury. He was only 70 percent of what he was last year but he had to play. Bad position for us. So he got half the snaps after Casey Walker got hurt. Stoopsie says Walker will “probably” play. He’ll be a little rusty. But he’ll also be a little fresh. Bobby says he’s pretty good. Not great. But pretty good, which is about all we have up front. Baylor can really run the football. Mobile QBs have always killed us. Stopping Robert Griffin III is the key to winning. And our DL and LBs must play better to slow him and that very good run game of theirs. I agree that it could be a 60-50 game. Don’t you Steel-Mahn?
Steel-Mahn: Yes I do, but I’ve got my mind on college basketball. Darn it, what’s the nickname of San Jacinto State? Memorized all teams, players, nicknames, boosters, trainers and pom pons in D1, D2, and D3. I used to love 3D Danny. Going up to the city for the Saturday night fights. Scandar Akbar and Haystack Calhoun. Throw in some 3D Danny and Mary Hart and it don’t get any better than that. Anywho, I stay busy on the hoops, but still keep up with The Boys. I agree with the “pretty-boy-gotten-old” on the Blitz, who said last night that the QB that plays best wins. Dude’s not as sharp as The Marvel, but he’s smarter than a local dagger-tossing typist who thinks he knows much, much more than he does. If he knew how smart the coaches think he is maybe he’d stop with the sly little “dolt” barbs. But that’s internal and for another day.
Bundy: All I’ve got to add is I thought I’d break my streak of going to every away game since 1969 this weekend. But Wilson’s play-calling’s got me ready to rev up the Baracuda and head for Waco.
Dougie: Swing through Norman and Paula, Marty and I’ll get Aaron away from the Gold Sheet long enough to toss him in the back and head south. You know Aaron. He’s so eaten up with this stuff, he’s lookin’ for halftime bets of OU-Ball State. And that’s not till 2011.
P-Dog: Hey, let’s not leave before thanking Kevin Wilson for listening to the masses. Even though he predictably denied it, he opened things up and it worked! Landry and DeMarco said that were happy about “trying new things,” and finding “different ways to get me the ball.” Playing Finch and Murray stresses the defense, especially when Finch jets across in motion, DeMarco goes the other way and Landry gets out of the pocket to find receivers. Wildcat direct snaps may have been one of those plays Kevin said he “never got to” against A/M, but the unpredictability kept Tech guessing. Did they say the play where Landry actually walked toward the bench and played like he was getting a late signal from the bench with the direct snap going to Murray was not new? Whatever. Keep it up. We’ll need everything we can get these next two weeks.
Bobby Allen: Couldn’t have said it better. Tell the truth now. Have you ever seen more of your fans expecting to lose to us? I’ll help you. No. Never. And there’s good reason. We Poke Power-Orange Crush loyalists actually want and need you guys to win. The more importance on the game when we beat you up here the better. We are not getting the respect we deserve. Beating you guys will help. And it could eliminate any doubt as to the south champ, if that’s not decided by Saturday night. So as my friends were chanting at the end of the UT thrashing, “ go Zero U, go Zero U.” You’re nothing but road kill. But we’re pulling for you against the Baptists.
Manny: That’ll do it. Durwood tell em’ to drive home safely. Someone wake Dur up. He needs a pot of coffee and a pop of Vivarin to get ready for his back porch mixer tonight with Bond. Half a dozen Blood Mares. Breakfast of Champions!