Switzer Pumped Up about Bedlam in Monday Morning Quarterback Club

Thursday, May 26th 2011, 1:29 pm
By: News 9

Originally Published: Nov 22, 2010 3:19 PM CDT

Manny the Moderator: Morning, morning, morning. Early triple-shot of howdies. What a week. All the marbles on the table in the biggest Bedlam since Bumfuzzle Jones proudly roamed the sidelines in his Hank Iba Aggies sweatshirt. Don’t know who got offended by it. Everyone I know thought it was cool. Anyway, we welcome the visitors from Payne County.  We’re here to commiserate. Here to share ideas. Here to gain some insight into these two fine institutions of higher learning. 

Bundy: All right, all right. Put a muzzle on it Manny. This is Hate week. They hate us. We hate them. No getting’ over it. Let the debate begin. 

Manny: Hold up, hold up we’ve got Coach Switzer  on the phone. All fired up. Says he watched the OU game and saw the three back offense. Says he did what he always does when he gets fired up talking football. Grabs a pen and notepad and starts drawing up plays. Gets him in a lather. Bout as much as Boz did with that Communist tee shirt. Or ESPN when they didn’t tell the whole story about Duree’s “double-wide.” Let’s put the Mad German on speaker phone. 

Switzy: Hell, OU’s found sumpin.’ Can you hear me. Listen up. Got excited watching OU against Baylor. Got a chance now. That three back principle they ran is like the wishbone. It allows them to throw the ball and to have a great running game without the QB having to run the football. They’ll need to put in five or six plays off of it. I’m sure they will. They’re good coaches and I’m not ever getting into their bidness, but this is good stuff. You can take a passing QB and still have a power game and have a boot pass game that they can’t cover.

Manny: Coach, hold on a second. People need to listen to this. Coach, we got some guys back there goin’ at it. Gone from our Bedlam Arm Wrestling Contest to that ultimate fight crap. Gouging eyes out. Blood everywhere. Like that shot of Y. A. Title.  Hey guys. And gals. Special treat. The King’s holding court. The King’s on the horn. Says Kevin Wilson’s on to something. Hey Durwood! I put you in charge of the Blood Mare stand and it’s a zoo back there. Sip it, but zip it, OK? All right, Barry, still there? I mean, King, you still there?                    

Switzy: Hell yea I’m still here Manny. I’ve hung with Dur and Bond a little. Good men. When they’re asleep. Hell Manny. I’m still here.  Where else I going? Othello’s dudn’t open till 4. Total Dominance not on till 5:25. Opie’s not till 6.

Switzy: Now back to OU’s 3 back offense. That cat Mike hired up at OSU (OC Holgerson) is on to something here. Don’t know why those knuckleheaded fans act like they it. I guess they’d call foul if OU beat them with their own offense. I don’t know who’ll win but I do know this is what they shoulda been doing all along

Bond: Don’t know what all that meant but I love it. Somebody hose Ol’ Barry down. I knew he’d come through in crunch time.

Switzy:  You can’t cover it. I saw it when Murray went in untouched. It’s a walk in versus 3-deep into the boundary. The lead back’s on the short corner. Defenses can’t play 3-deep. They have to squat the corners to take the pitch. They’ve gotta run cover two.  QB goes check with me at the line, you don’t run uphill with the 6-5 ratio, split both ends, run the boot, the LB holds up and go to the receiver. Understand? They must play 2-deep with the corners up to stop the run. I’m tellin’ you, now they’ve got their best players out there and they don’t have to hammer ‘em up front and can still kick your (arse) with the 3-back principle. And don’t forget they can line up with that little dart back ‘air seven yards deep in the I and let him richochet up in ‘air north and south. I couldn’t even do that with Billy Sims in the wishbone. Had to run him at angles. Now they can attack you north and south.  Hell, they’ll hang half a hundred on ‘em if they put some stuff in to complement it.

Blitz Boy: Guys, it makes sense. But let me slow you just a little. OSU runs it. So they know the best way to defend it. And if it’s that awesome, how we gonna stop them? And finally, Wilson’s gotta put it in. He might get caught up in a bunch of that other crap and not focus enough on this new stuff to take advantage of what coach was outlining. Granted though, there is hope.

Manny: Guys, we’re on a roll talking football. I know it’s a long session, but this game is huge. Let’s just go with some bullet points.

Bundy: Do you want bullet points?  I’ve got your bullet points.  Why does OU play its starters when the games are out of hand?  Landry was getting killed. Ryan Broyles was limping around. Roy Finch may miss this game because he was in and not a fifth-year guy like the under-apprecated Mossis Madu.  Want more?  Why does everyone criticize OU for not playing well on the road but when they leave 53-10 in the fourth quarter they just move on to the next agenda item?  Some people love OSU’s ticket plan. Yes, it made them money. But how’s it going to look for a Game Day game on national TV to have empty seats.  Someone said that the plan was successful the cause they sold more season tickets that the pricing will keep OU fans at home. $385-$1,200 a ticket. Ludicrous. Figure something out with all T. Boone’s money. 

Cowboy Bill: Zero you should worry about their own problems.  We’re doing just fine up here, thank you. Gundy’s got us into position to be a Top 10 team year-in year-out.  As for the game, the biggest difference in the two teams is our ability to run the football.  We will win because of that.  One other thing.  I hate OU.

Al: I like it. Give us a call. We’ll talk with you EE-ME-DEE-UT-LEE! Nothin’ better than OU-OSU hate.

Jim: Dad Gone It.  My gout’s flaring up and I’m gonna have to sit home with Jules and watch the dang thing on TV. Al, come on over. They’re not letting you in Payne County this time. Nothing personal. Just a ban on OU alums who host radio call-in shows in Oklahoma with a Jersey accent. Nothing personal. They like you and Blitz Boy ‘bout as much as they like the plague. As much as noseguards like quiche. As much as Tulsans like the Thunder. 

Big Country: Over here in Vian, we’re puttin’ together an invoice. We’re billing you suckers if you beat us with OUR formation. Come up with you own stuff. We’ll still win. I’ll bet a pair of autographed Chuck Taylor’s on it.

Coach Richardson: Gotta say down here in Dallas not many of us felt OU had a chance of beating the pokes before the win in Waco.  In fact I’d never seen so many as soon we would lose to OSU until after we humiliated the real Baylor in Waco.  But now my buddies and I are having second thoughts.  Just hoping Roy Finch will play after the slobberknocker he took. Assuming Box is out which will be a problem with Wort having to play so much. But sure beats last year when we had more talent than the Buffalo Bills standing on the sidelines.

Paco: I heard a sports announcer say, "This Is I Hate You Week."  USC vs. ND, Texas vs. A&M, Ohio St. vs. UM, Alabama vs. Auburn, and for me, OU vs. The Functional Illiterates.

Bobby Allen: Paco, we said no toe-holds, sledge hammers or hits below the belt. I get a free pop now. Half the fans at Zero U don’t know the school song, the Board of Regents or where Bobby Stoops goes to church.

Floyd Gass, Jr: Press on, Bobby. Press On. Lay the lumber on these low-life high-brows. 

Lumber Lady: Someone say something about “lay the Lumber?” Taco’s kissin’ cousin Paco and I were talkin’. Who cares whether OU has a lot of fans who went to school there. This goes back to generations of fans who wanted to be associated with a loser. Not a “wait-till-next-year” place. Fans want to be around winners. Bud’s runs of 47 won them over. Switzy got them crazed. Schnelly drove them to drink. And Bobby put “Boomer Sooner” cell phone tunes through the roof. Anyone who doesn’t see that believes Holgerson put a patent on the diamond formation. Talk about sensitive.

Burns Baby Burns: Enough is enough. Lady of Lumber, go to your corner and come out singing. Preferably not Boomer Sooner. This is all in good fun for our fans. We take pride in our school. We wear orange to work, to bed, to church. It’s out of loyalty. Zero U fans are spoiled. They’ll go to 9-3 after we beat them. ESPN still has them headed to the Orange Bowl to play Virginia Tech with three losses. But their fans will do their best to run Bobby out of town with the five-loss season backed up with the three-loss one. Our people don’t do that. The Ol’ Gundy-Slinger says his next recruiting class is better than this one. That’s saying a lot. We are here to stay. With the mess at Nebraska and Missouri’s slide, we’re looking at 13-1. Favored Saturday, at Jerry World, then over Pitt in Glendale. Just a little fact-sharing. That’s what I do.

Better have another pony in the shed. Bullet’s going to get worn slick with all the TDs we’ll score against this bunch of no-tackling, trash-talking, overrated stiffs. Hunter will run them crazy. Weeden will pass them silly. And Blackmon will send them to the funny farm. It’ll be more fun than a Friday night all-you-can-drink sock-hop.

Durwood: Someone say “all you can drink?” The bar is just like Rashaun Woods in that 2004 nightmare in Shill-Water: “Rashaun’s still open!” So is my pop stand.  Nothing like Morning Go-Go Juice and donut holes. Except late-night grog and fish sticks with Bond inside the fenced-in. 

Manny: Does anyone want to talk football?  It’s only the biggest bedlam game in 25 years.

Blund: It’s the biggest bedlam game the cause OSU decided to finally make it an important game.  It’s a smaller rivalry when one team wins all the time. As inconsistent as OUs defense has been, didnt they totally shut down Fuller from Texas A&M? And slowed down Mizzous top wideout?

Pistol Pete: Maybe so.  But to quote the devil himself, Justin’s a different breed of cat.  He’ll fly by OU’s secondary faster than you can say “T. Boone for president!” I understand OU is going to sell out to stop the run.  Perfect.  That means Venables is literally putting the game in the hands of our guy who’ll be a finalist for the Heisman.

Streller: Hey, OU’s gonna win nine football games. More than their basketball team. Any takers?

Hookie: No. Even money on that one now. Where are Smokey McCovery and Drew Head when you need them?  In two short years OU’s gone from champs to chumps. From Blake to Drew.  From Parade All-Americans to Honorable Mention All City.                                                                                                                                                                                    

Sweet Meat The Original: Hookie, we go way back to the Tooth Fairy. Give ‘em some steam. Kleve and I are headed back to see Durwood. Thirsty this morning.

Hookie: Well, this is the first time Stoops has been an underdog to Oklahoma State.  Seven-straight wins.  5-0 over Gundy.  OSU opened a two-point favorite meaning all you would be favored on a neutral field and favored by four or five in Norman.  But someone needs to tell Sooner fans that the game is in Stillwater.  Quit whining.  Put your money down. Start chewing at your nubs. It’s Bedlam and the Pokes are supposed to win. Stoops says he loves being the underdog. If you believe that you’d believe Bo Pelini teaches charm school.

Midget: Hookie, tell em’ about last year. Remember, OU had lost five games but was favored to beat an OSU team that felt it might have a shot at a BCS bowl? Crazy, but OU was favored. Joke. 27-nothin’. They could still be playin’ and OSU wouldn’t have scored.

Carson C: Yea, but Zac Robinson got hurt early and Hunter never was himself all year.

Brew: Come on. Don’t be telling us about injuries. Dance with the one

Toby: Anybody catch the whiz kids last night on the blitz?  The OU guy got stuck on the fence.  The OSU guy sounded like it was a mismatch. Of the four Crystal Ball match-ups, he picked OSU in three. The OU fella said he has four or five of the ten categories where he has a decided winner.  Kinda surprised OSU guy gave his team the edge in QBs, intangibles and receivers. Just don’t see it.

Hunzy: I do. And oh yea, pistol’s firin’!

Bobby Allen: I give us the edge in all ten. OU’s only edge is in arrogance.  On a personal note, Mike and I go way back. He says it won’t be close.

Dur: Well, Jose Cuervo and I go way back. And he says you’re full of it. OU 52-42.

Hunzy: OSU 66-31. Pistol’s firin!

Manny the Moderator: Doc Will is in the back for anyone who needs stitches. Nice fight this morning. Hope there’s not as many low blows come Saturday. Next year I’ll hand out cups.