The Panic Begins To Set In

I would sleep with a thermometer under my pillow. They say if you track your temperature every morning at the same time, you can tell when "the time is right". I even had graphs showing it. Obsessive? Yes, but that was nothing! Then I started using ovulation predictor kits. Pee on a stick and a smiley face would appear when you were about to ovulate. We were timing everything perfectly; what was wrong?