Helping Your Child Deal with Death, Grief

The sudden and violent death of a young child is one of the most difficult things to comprehend, especially for young children. Learning how to comfort children in this difficult time is important.

Tuesday, November 17th 2009, 6:50 pm

By: News 9


By Dave Jordan, NEWS 9

OKLAHOMA CITY -- The sudden and violent death of a young child is one of the most difficult things to comprehend, especially for young children. Learning how to comfort children in this difficult time is important.

Age makes a huge difference in how children deal with tragedy. Younger children may not understand the permanence of death where as older kids are fully aware of their own mortality.

It's hard even for adults to come to terms with the sudden death of a young child. So the difficulty of explaining it to kids is beyond measure. But difficult, according to family therapist Brandi Gibson doesn't necessarily mean impossible.

“Maybe utilize a good children's book, that explains what death is and how permanent that is,” said Brandi Gibson, a family therapist.

Younger children often have fragile emotional states and may be more apt to express their grief through art. Either way, communication is key, although Gibson cautions against deception.

“Try not to scare the child and say 'Oh he went to sleep and didn't wake up,' because the child won't be able to go to sleep,” Gibson said.

What you should do Gibson said is reassure the child that the situation is not a normal one while making sure they feel safe and have an outlet to express their grief.

“Explaining to that child this was a traumatic event. It's not something that happens every day. It's not something that we see all the time,” Gibson said. “Giving them a safe environment to talk, telling them that these reactions are normal and it's okay to feel this way.”

And once you do that, Gibson said you should expect lots of questions from your children as they work through this grief. Usually in the case of a child's death, grief counselors are often made available to students by the school where the victim attended.

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