By Christyn Byler
This week started out great. I was feelin' good from my head to my shoes, but then all of the sudden I started getting really tired. Like fall asleep on the treadmill kind of tired. I had been to the gym about 2 or 3 times and was feeling great but the fourth time I seriously could have fallen asleep during my walk on the treadmill. I had fallen asleep earlier that day after lunch in the break room and just thought maybe it was just that day. But then it happened to me again yesterday. I don't know if it's just the adjustment of having to make more time in my day for a workout or if my body is just tired from fighting off all the sickness and viruses going around at work as well as everywhere else.
I am trying to be really positive but because of my exhaustion, it's hard. When I'm on the treadmill and I'm feeling tired and lazy I have to imagine or visualize something to keep me going. It might sound crazy but I'm such a visual person so if I find something that works then I'm gonna stick to it. So I imagine my little red bathing suit tankini that I used to be able to wear around the time Josh and I got engaged.J I try to remember how great I felt when I wore it and how attractive it made me feel and then it makes me walk just a little bit faster and harder. The suit is still in a plus size but at least it's smaller then I am wearing now. And I really liked my body then so if I can just reach that weight (which was under or around 200) and that size then I'd be ecstatic. Then I can set a new weight goal and strive for that next.
If I could get into that bathing suit I might actually enjoy the summers. Summer time is such an uncomfortable time for me being overweight. I don't feel like I can layout in the sun, go swimming or go do anything because I'm ashamed of my body so I cover just about everything so as not to scare others and then I feel like I sweat to death. And then my face gets bright red, ugh I hate that. It reminds me of the scene in Willy Wonka where Violet turns into a blueberry only I turn into something that resembles a strawberry.
I'm so ready to be small. I wish it would happen faster. I'm such an "immediate satisfaction" kind of person obviously. But it's hard to be patient when I'm so excited about the weight loss right now. And some days I wish there was a quick fix kind of weight loss, but I know it will mean so much more personally if I just work really hard at it. It's kind of like when you buy your very first car yourself. The old hand-me-down beaters that you drove before weren't anything special to you really. It didn't mean as much if you drove it into the ground. But your very first car that you picked out and paid for yourself was like your little baby. You parked the furthest away in the parking lot at the store, you kept it lookin' good with a car wash every weekend and you might have even kept on track with the maintenance. You took pride in it and tried your hardest not to let anything happen to it. And that's exactly how I'll feel once I've worked to lose all my weight. I'll work even harder to keep it off and not let anything happen that would jeopardize all that I will have worked for. So with that said, if I can do it, you can do it! Cheesy, I know but you just have to try and try again and keep trying until you're where you want to be. It's a constant "trying" but in the midst of all your "trying" you'll see that it's actually working. J Oh and by the way, I cried when I traded in my first car.